For the past couple of years, I have asked the Lord to give me a word that He wants to use to speak to me throughout the year. Two years ago, God gave me the word “return,” and last year He gave me the word “wait.” Usually, I don’t fully understand what the Lord is doing through those words until I look back and reflect at the end of the year. But this year was different. Instead of realizing the meaning later, I sensed the Lord speaking through the words almost immediately. Instead of giving me just one word, He gave me two: start over.

When I first heard this, my mind immediately went to my material possessions. Just a few days earlier, I had been reminded of a time when I was younger. Rather than asking people for gifts for my birthday or Christmas, I would ask for socks so I could donate them. Remembering that childlike faith made me pause and reflect on my own life. It stirred a desire in me to return to that same simplicity and generosity in my faith.

So when I heard the words start over, I felt prompted to do a deep clean of my apartment and let go of things I no longer needed or used.

I knew this was a start, but it still didn’t feel complete. So I continued to sit with the Lord and asked if He wanted me to start over with my love for teaching. If I’m honest, this year of teaching has been one of the most challenging and refining seasons I have walked through with God, and at times it has made me dislike my job. I still love working with students and preparing lessons, but I have found very little joy in actually teaching them. I have been pushed and pulled in many different directions, and I began to wonder if the Lord wanted to restore my heart for the job He had placed me in.

But I never sensed Him leading me back to teaching. Instead, I felt a clear call from the Lord—one that would draw me away from Thailand and away from the classroom.

Right now, I find myself sitting in the tension between grieving the life I have built over the past two years in Thailand and feeling excitement for the next chapter of my life. It’s amazing how two very different emotions can exist side by side, but it is also a beautiful reminder of the God we serve.

I am excited to begin this new adventure with the Lord and to see what He is going to do. But that excitement doesn’t make it any easier to say goodbye to the people I love and who have loved me so well during my time in Thailand. Still, I praise God knowing that He is the One who will continue to watch over and nurture the seeds that have been planted here. He will raise up others to continue the work He has been doing.

Over the next three months, I will be packing up my life in Thailand and moving back to America. I will have a little under three months at home before I embark on the World Race where I will travel to 11 different countries in 11 months. It feels wild and a little crazy, but I wouldn’t want it any other way because I know this is where the Lord is leading me.

Thank you, Jesus, for speaking to me and opening doors for me to walk through as I seek to honor You and live out the Great Commission.

Here’s to starting over.