Grief and joy.

These are emotions we all experience at some point in our lives—but what happens when we feel them at the same time? When we feel joy for the new adventure the Lord is leading us into while also feeling the pain of closing a chapter that was once an answered prayer.

The tension between grief and joy is where I have been living with the Lord these past few months as I have started experiencing many “lasts” in Thailand.

The last lesson I will teach in my classroom. The last day at the school where I have taught for the past two years. The last UTH on Friday night and church on Sunday. The last time I will see my students, hug them, or tell them to have a Happy Day. The last time I will sleep in my first apartment or drive the first car I ever bought myself. The last time I will say hi to the Thai workers I see almost every day. The last time I will be in the places and with the people who have changed me over the last two years and helped shape me into the person I am today.

I have grieved many of the things I am saying goodbye to in order to follow the Lord into a new season. Grief isn’t easy, but it is something we can invite the Lord into as we process it. There is something uniquely beautiful about choosing to worship God in the middle of hurt and pain—trusting Him even when life feels uncertain.

A few months ago, I was reminded of the importance of Saturday when we think about Jesus’ death, burial, and resurrection. Sometimes this day can be overlooked. Yet there was purpose in the waiting.

Saturday represents those moments when we question God and do not fully understand what He is doing. It reminds us that we are called to trust Him even when things hurt and feel confusing. Saturday was the day the disciples and those closest to Jesus grieved the One they had just lost—even though Jesus had told them He would rise again. It was a day filled with sorrow, confusion, waiting, and unmet expectations.

Sometimes Saturday is grieving what we thought God was going to do while learning to trust what He is actually doing.

And then Sunday comes—and we rejoice because He has risen.

God is our source of joy, and it is His joy that is leading me into this new season of firsts. The first time I meet the team I will live and travel with for eleven months. The first time I experience new cultures and meet people from different nations. The first time I worship God across so many countries and communities.

And these firsts would not be possible without the lasts of the previous season.

So I am learning to find beauty in both the joy and grief I am experiencing with the Lord.

Psalm 30 says, “weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning,” and later, “You have turned my mourning into dancing.”

As I write this, I know that grief and mourning are not wasted when they lead me back to worship. I can grieve with God, trust Him in the waiting, and dance with Him through it all. He is my comfort, my peace, and the true source of joy.

Prayer Requests:

• the ministry team that I will be traveling with that we have safety and unity, as well as being led by the Lord in all things

• rest this summer as I travel to visit friends and family

• financial support - that the Lord continues to provide in His timing